one week and counting.....

Well, E is due to deliver in one week, unless of course she comes early and Eric and I are beside ourselves with anticipation and excitement. We just really can not wait to meet this child. I can't wait to hold him/her and kiss his/her sweet cheeks. I have thought of E every day since we met her, praying for her each time I think of her. I feel a closeness to her that I wonder if she feels to me. Probably not. But I just can't help it. I have a deep sense of love and gratitude for her. Even if she decides to parent, I still think I will feel these feelings toward her. I really believe that God placed us in her life, even if it doesn't end up being for very long. I completely expect that we will be eternally linked through our child, but again, she has a choice to parent or to place the baby with us. As much as you think you want to prepare yourself for the worst, I have also found myself not being able to do that. I can not make myself feel a detachment from this child and this mom and I don't want to. Eric and I have decided that we are going to give all our love and prayer and feelings and devotion to this family starting 10 days ago, no matter what could or will happen. If she chooses to parent, then we can at least know that we gave her a choice. It will be more difficult on us this way. But we feel that the baby and E deserve nothing less. I don't want to think back on this time and feel like we gave less than we could've to the experience just because we wanted to protect ourselves from hurt. We have already experienced some fairly significant hurt and we are still living, still breathing, still here....so if the outcome hurts, I think we'll make it. However, I think this will turn out just fine!

Sooooooo, to answer your question, Tracy, I will say again, we are ecstatic, jumping for joy, crazily giddy about being parents. Eric looked at me the other day and actually said, "I'm like....giddy" with a huge grin on his face. Not sure if I said this in the last blog, but he was just so precious when I told him E had chosen us. Sticking his head in my chest, crying, laughing, kind of in disbelief...he was so cute. I love doing this with him. I love life with him. I can't imagine it without him. Good thing I don't have to. We had fun today, running erands, grocery shopping, and of course doing a little baby shopping, too! We actually just finished staining and painting a little chest of drawers and a really awesome toy chest for the baby's room. We did some 'cleaning out' to make room in our 'cozy' home for this new little one to join us. oh, and Riley is really excited (our dog). She wags her tail like crazy when we talk about baby.
girl name: Marley
boy name: Cohen
What do ya think??? We don't have any really great middle names, but are thinking of doing an African name in honor of E. We'll see. We are on top of the world and will share with everyone when we know something. One week and counting......

I also want to remind myself by writing typing this "aloud".... or saying it to someone else....
My God who has been faithful to me time and time again in countless ways and instances, despite ME....is faithful to this child who is inside of E and to the child, whether this one or a different one, He will bring into our home forever. This journey isn't so much about me or about Eric and I being able to experience parenthood, as it is about God's faithfulness and His love and His provision.

Praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord all my life. I will sing praise to my God as long as I live...Blessed are those who put their hope in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth and the ocean. He made everything in them. The Lord remains faithful forever. He stands up for those who are beaten down. He gives food to hungry people...The Lord lifts up those who feel helpless...The Lord watches over the outsiders who live in our land. He takes good care of children whose fathers have died. He also takes good care of widows. But he causes evil people to fail in everything they do. The Lord rules forever. The God of Zion will rule for all time to come. Praise the Lord.

Psalm 146