the waiting

Last night we went to a support group meeting for families who are either in the paperwork phase or in the waiting phase. The topic of the discussionwas 'What to do while you are waiting.' Some of the women said that they have taken up tennis, or have painted their entire house, just to have an activity to keep her from sitting around and waiting. We heard couples share who were starting their second year of waiting for their child. We also heard from couples who have experienced failed adoptions, death of children, miscarriages, very long periods of infertility, etc. As we drove home last night, Eric and I both had the same feelings and thoughts about the meeting; we are so excited to get to know some of those couples who are in the same walk of life as we are; we are scared of the waiting, and we really hadn't given that much thought; but mostly, we felt humbled because it seemed that many of the people in that room had struggled much more than we have, and still have a strong faith in the Lord and have not given up hope. Eric said that for possibly the first time since all this started, he actually stopped feeling sad for himself and his heart went out to those other families who are waiting.

One of the social workers really made a great point. There are periods of waiting on the Lord in all of our lives. For her, it was her waiting to be married. She did not marry until she was 35 years old. She said that the wait was well worth it because now she is married to godly man who she couldn't imagine herself without. I know that waiting will be hard, but that in God's perfect timing, He will bring us to our child, and I can rest in that. So, my request is that you all help me remember this truth when we are getting discouraged along the way!

A few nights ago, I was asking Eric to tell me about his feelings about where we are right now. He began to tell me of his feelings about adoption, but also his lingering sadness about our infertility. I was so upset when I first heard him say that. I was really wanting him to say that he was okay with not having a biological baby...because to me that means that he can't possibly be feeling good and confident about adopting. I was really just blown away by his response. He helped me to see that our infertility journey and our adoption journey are two totally separate things. It is okay and very normal for us to have excitement about adoption and sadness/grief about infertility, at the same time. Just because we will soon be parents through adoption, doesn't mean that the hurt of not being able to conceive at this time won't still be real sometimes. This idea felt so freeing to me! This may not make a lot of sense to most of you, but it was just really great to hear him process that the way he did and then be able to help me see it, too.

God uses Eric to humble me, love me, sharpen me, and teach me all the time and I am so blessed for that.