and we wait.

I went yesterday for a meeting with Carolyn, our original caseworker, to go over our service plan and our preferences about everything and to turn in 4 copies of our profile. I am so tired from working on that thing! I have been working some night shifts which also makes me tired and then working on it at the same time and trying to find the right lettering and the right folders....I am glad it is complete! Eric was reading through it again today and found some places where I left out a word or something...and I really didn't care!!! Hopefully whoever is reading will get the idea. Some of you have been asking about what I mean when I say "preferences" so for anyone else who is wondering.... When a birthparent is in need of an adoptive family, there are many different things to be considered as far as which profiles (families) to show her. For example, if she is wanting to meet with the family and the child monthly or to exchange last names and phone numbers and we are not willing to do these things, then we would not be a match for her and would not be shown to her. This is so that what the birth parent wants is able to happen and the adoptive family is able to be comfortable as well with the arrangements. Keeps it from getting messy, I would think. So we filled out a 3-4 page list of preferences about the situation with birthparents, about her drug or alcohol usage, about her family history, about what we are okay with as far as meeting her before hand and being at the hospital when baby is born, about traveling to other states....etc! At first I felt bad about making preferences. But, Carolyn helped me understand that we are not trying to meet the needs of every birth parent, but only one. And, these decisions will effect us the rest of our lives. So, we have to be honest with ourselves about what we want.

Now that we have done all of this, we will just wait. From now on, we will only hear from Bethany when:

1. A situation with a birthmother closely matches our preferences and they want to show our profile but we had put that we would consider something, but would want more details at that time..... they would call us with those details of her situation and decide whether we wanted to be shown or not.
2. An office from out of state calls and we are a match to be shown. They will not just send our profile to other states without telling us because there are different laws in other states and sometimes even more fees. They will first call us and tell us what the laws and fees are in that particular state and then we will decide if we want to be shown.
3. We are chosen!!!! At this point it would mean that a birthparent has been matched with us, viewed our profile and decided that she wants us to adopt her child. We will then, ideally meet with her sometime prior to the birth. If everything goes well, then we will be her adoptive couple unless she changes her mind during the revocation period (the 10 days after she signs the waiver of her rights, which is signed 72 hrs after the birth)

This is a lot of legal stuff going on, huh?! I know this is long, but I wanted to share something else. I have been experiencing some major negativity in regard to us adopting from people here lately. Just this past weekend, several random people and especially people from work, have been questioning it, giving their unwanted opinions and so on. I have been asked, "why do you want to make your life harder?" and "there is major legal risk when you adopt...have you thought about this?" I have been told, "children ruin your life" and "you don't get to do anything you wanna do...ever" and "being a mother kinda sucks" seriously, this is just a few of the comments, but some good examples. At first, I must admit, I was letting it get me down a little. Then, I started to think about how really selfish we are as humans. These people who are saying these things to me are basically saying that I shouldn't mess up my life while I still have the chance. I could type forever about this, but I guess mainly, I just want to say that I am so thankful first of all for my parents who did not feel this way about children or about me. It is evident that they loved me and wanted me and I am who I am today because of them. It makes me wonder what these people are like as parents and with their kids. Second, I want to say again that I believe God is preparing me to be an adoptive mom. With this preparation, comes persecution, because Lord knows we will experience plenty of this in our lives, whether we adopt or not....just being a christian and striving to live a Godly life is reason enough for persecution in this world. It is kind of disturbing to see such a selfish attitude regarding their own children and it just reminds me how much we ALL are in need of God's forgivness and of the blood of Christ. I know that parenthood is a huge challenge, and that life will not be the same after children. I know that there will be hard times, good times, bad times and happy times. But, as I told many people this past weekend, the alternative to adoption, is that these children are either aborted or they go to orphanages and/or are in and out of foster homes for the rest of their lives. Adopting a child seems small to me when I think of what Christ did on the cross. The Almighty God took a chance on little old me with no gaurantee that I would choose Him, even if He sent His son to die, but He did it anyway to give me a choice of eternal life or death, of slavery or freedom, of love or isolation. These people just don't get it.