Thursday, January 17, 2008

and we wait.

I went yesterday for a meeting with Carolyn, our original caseworker, to go over our service plan and our preferences about everything and to turn in 4 copies of our profile. I am so tired from working on that thing! I have been working some night shifts which also makes me tired and then working on it at the same time and trying to find the right lettering and the right folders....I am glad it is complete! Eric was reading through it again today and found some places where I left out a word or something...and I really didn't care!!! Hopefully whoever is reading will get the idea. Some of you have been asking about what I mean when I say "preferences" so for anyone else who is wondering.... When a birthparent is in need of an adoptive family, there are many different things to be considered as far as which profiles (families) to show her. For example, if she is wanting to meet with the family and the child monthly or to exchange last names and phone numbers and we are not willing to do these things, then we would not be a match for her and would not be shown to her. This is so that what the birth parent wants is able to happen and the adoptive family is able to be comfortable as well with the arrangements. Keeps it from getting messy, I would think. So we filled out a 3-4 page list of preferences about the situation with birthparents, about her drug or alcohol usage, about her family history, about what we are okay with as far as meeting her before hand and being at the hospital when baby is born, about traveling to other states....etc! At first I felt bad about making preferences. But, Carolyn helped me understand that we are not trying to meet the needs of every birth parent, but only one. And, these decisions will effect us the rest of our lives. So, we have to be honest with ourselves about what we want.

Now that we have done all of this, we will just wait. From now on, we will only hear from Bethany when:
  1. A situation with a birthmother closely matches our preferences and they want to show our profile but we had put that we would consider something, but would want more details at that time..... they would call us with those details of her situation and decide whether we wanted to be shown or not.
  2. An office from out of state calls and we are a match to be shown. They will not just send our profile to other states without telling us because there are different laws in other states and sometimes even more fees. They will first call us and tell us what the laws and fees are in that particular state and then we will decide if we want to be shown.
  3. We are chosen!!!! At this point it would mean that a birthparent has been matched with us, viewed our profile and decided that she wants us to adopt her child. We will then, ideally meet with her sometime prior to the birth. If everything goes well, then we will be her adoptive couple unless she changes her mind during the revocation period (the 10 days after she signs the waiver of her rights, which is signed 72 hrs after the birth)

This is a lot of legal stuff going on, huh?! I know this is long, but I wanted to share something else. I have been experiencing some major negativity in regard to us adopting from people here lately. Just this past weekend, several random people and especially people from work, have been questioning it, giving their unwanted opinions and so on. I have been asked, "why do you want to make your life harder?" and "there is major legal risk when you adopt...have you thought about this?" I have been told, "children ruin your life" and "you don't get to do anything you wanna do...ever" and "being a mother kinda sucks" seriously, this is just a few of the comments, but some good examples. At first, I must admit, I was letting it get me down a little. Then, I started to think about how really selfish we are as humans. These people who are saying these things to me are basically saying that I shouldn't mess up my life while I still have the chance. I could type forever about this, but I guess mainly, I just want to say that I am so thankful first of all for my parents who did not feel this way about children or about me. It is evident that they loved me and wanted me and I am who I am today because of them. It makes me wonder what these people are like as parents and with their kids. Second, I want to say again that I believe God is preparing me to be an adoptive mom. With this preparation, comes persecution, because Lord knows we will experience plenty of this in our lives, whether we adopt or not....just being a christian and striving to live a Godly life is reason enough for persecution in this world. It is kind of disturbing to see such a selfish attitude regarding their own children and it just reminds me how much we ALL are in need of God's forgivness and of the blood of Christ. I know that parenthood is a huge challenge, and that life will not be the same after children. I know that there will be hard times, good times, bad times and happy times. But, as I told many people this past weekend, the alternative to adoption, is that these children are either aborted or they go to orphanages and/or are in and out of foster homes for the rest of their lives. Adopting a child seems small to me when I think of what Christ did on the cross. The Almighty God took a chance on little old me with no gaurantee that I would choose Him, even if He sent His son to die, but He did it anyway to give me a choice of eternal life or death, of slavery or freedom, of love or isolation. These people just don't get it.

13 comments:

Tracy said...

Wow Mandy...I am sooo excited for y'all. You are almost there. I have been praying for y'all and keeping up with your story thru Courtney, lori and mainly your blog. I have learned so much about the process of adoption!! Its exciting. I am think y'all are going to be AWESOME parents. Personally, its the most amazing thing ever. I cannot imagine life without my children. They bring so much to your life! I cannot wait to meet your precious little one! Y'all are awesome!

Anonymous said...

Well....here comes the parent in me. Really pains me that people would say things like that to you. And I can see how it would make you question some things, and make you feel unsure. HOWEVER, Mandy and Eric...lets see if we can put it to rest. You will always, and I repeat...always run into stupid people as long as you live. They are just plain stupid. No sense, no conscious, babbling idiots who will get on your nerves. they have messed their life up, and have so many regrets that they have to somehow pour their pathetic opinions out to try and drag everyone else into their little world of hurt. Self inflicted hurt, I might add. They whine and cry about this and that, because they cannot and will not fix their own lives, so yours has to be messed up too.

I think the 'church lady' knows who these people get their marching orders from.......could it be.....(you know).

What is LIFE if you do not live it? What is life if you do not have a positive affect on someone else, and guide them to Christ? How else can you better do that than being a parent? And what joys parenting brings! How many times does God's Word address us as family, and talk about children and family? Being a parent and having a family is one of the essential parts of our lives, and I believe one of the tools God uses to teach us about how we should live.

So...I feel better...parenting over.

Now, pray yourself ready. Pray your family ready. Prayer brings positive attitudes and perspectives. Prayer helps us sort through the tough decisions in life, and helps us focus on God and His ways.

Finally, if some of you who said these things to Mandy are reading this blog, remember...God loves you...even though you are stupid.

Dad

Anonymous said...

Mandy,

I am SOOOOOOOOO proud of who you are and what you are doing. I am not very good at putting into words what I feel, but just know that I love you so much and am so happy (maybe even a little proud)of the Godly wife and woman you have become and have no doubt you will be as good if not even a better mom. Don't let people who really don't share your faith and values discourage you. There are so many people behind you 100%. In the much used words of your dad: You can't fix stupid!
I love you,

Mom

Jenn Dawson said...

I have been reading your blog for a few months now and I am so eager for you to meet your child. I think that not everyone should be a parent, it is obvious that the people that are not supporting you should not. I love being a mother. It is the most rewarding and amazing thing I have ever experinced. Trust your heart and your insticts they will always lead you in the right direction. Please don't let negative people ruin such an amazing experince as adopting a child, who is a gift from God.

Anonymous said...

Hey Man! I just wanted to say your dad is so right. I am amazed at how many miserable people there are in the world and they all seem to never shut up. However, I do think there are more in Ky than TN. haha. I want you to know, that I personally know of 2 people (me and JR) who love you both and are behind you and Eric 100%. If those people try to say anything to you again just give them my number. I have no problem putting people in their place, it is my job to tell them what is wrong with them. haha. I can't wait to see you in a week for dinner. Hollie is making the reservation. I will continue to pray for you and Eric. I love you. Meg

Karen said...

Mandy...what a beautiful way to describe the amazing love of our Lord! I love that God has chosen you and Eric to be the Mommy and Daddy to a child whom you don't even know yet. I truly pray that you will feel His peace throughout this entire process...there is a child and mother somewhere that is going to be grateful for the obedience and desire that you have to be parents! We love you guys...continuing to pray for your little one!!

Proud Grand PA said...

Mandy and Eric, we read your comments daily. For some reason I haven't been able to post comments. Finally got my password re-set after my tranfusion, where my blood was running to the top of my head.We had a great time hunting baby beds with you guys, and are having fun picking up baby things along the way. Mandy saw the rocking horse we got. Figured that could go both ways, boy or girl.We can't wait till that all important phone call comes, so we can get on with the spoiling. That by the way is the reason for the nickname I use to sign my post. We love you guys.Grand Pa

Proud Grand PA said...

Ok Mandy and Eric, I'm just getting around to responding to several of you postings.Since your Dad has responded, let the other Dad here say cudo's. These very small folks that weight in on your and Eric's adoption as having negatives have obviously been drying their hair in the microwave.As your parents well realize as do we, that our happiest moments in life have come from our children and the expieriences of raising you.Life is not easy when raising a child by no means, but those that say the expirience is not worth the journey, are at the very least ignorant.They are also the very parents that usually fail miserably in life period.If anything when these type comments are made by individuals to you and Eric, you should be reminded of as your Dad put it, the poor, pathetic and miserable individual that makes them should make you prouder of who you and Eric are, and how different you think about life and Gods gift of children. We can tell you what you already know, that our kids are the single most important part of our lives. And will always be.You guys will feel no different, its in your genes. The Spoiler! Grand Pa Pa

the spoiler said...

Mandy and Eric, I guess you can tell by my post , I have alot of time on my hands. On vacation you know. Been thinking again about those negative comments some folks been throwing your way about being adoptive parents.I especially liked the person who feels like her kids have kept her from doing things, or having things.Got me to thinking about that. If Eric and the girls had never been in the picture here is a possible list of things julie and I might have, or have done.
1.A vacation home in Destin.
2.A 401k thats much healthier
3.Owned a home before 35
4.Set of Calloway Clubs years ago.
5.On demand vacations.
6.No interuptions in our plans.
7.Two door cars
8.Sports cars instead of mini-vans.
9.A big Boat(how did your dad manage that)
10.Plasma Big screen.
11.The list is endless
As you can imagine their are lots of material things in life that make some people happy or glad children didn't get in the way of obtainig them.For those of us that have sacrificed material things for our children,can tell you it wasn't a sacrifice at all. It was indeed our very best decision in life.The three of them have been our reason in everything we do and think.The joys you receive as parents can't be measured by what you have given up or missed in life.Trust us, giving up being a parent for those material things in life, will leave a much bigger hole in your heart. You and Eric will be wonderful parents, and make good decisions I'm sure.Only listen to the positive. If you two hit the lottery someday, I would like that boat. grand pa Kenny

Anonymous said...

I guarantee it.
Dad

Yoka said...

Congratulations on finishing your home study. That is fantastic!!! I wish we were that far!!!

The Stottmans said...

This is the beginning of an amazing journey in our lives and I'm so excited we get to share it together! I can't wait to meet your new baby, for y'all to meet our baby, and for our babies to meet each other. Play dates will be so much fun!
We love you guys.
Mandy, I'll see you tomorrow night!

Anonymous said...

Hey Man,
I know we have already talked about this a little, but there will always be someone who is questioning your decision simply b/c that person hasn't been called to what God has called you to. During these times of frustration I would encourage you to look at it as a learning process. These hard questions are forcing you to be even more confident in your decision of adoption. When your baby is here and people are still saying such things to you, your answers will be more than rehearsed! Sometimes the hard questions are the ones that make us grow. Unfortunately they can be painful and confusing at first. But, your going to have the questions down and ingrained in your head so well that I'll feel sorry for the next person who says something!!!hehe.
love you
court (your cousin)

"He upholds the cause of the oppressed...He sustains the fatherless and the widow" -psalm 146:7&9