Thursday, November 8, 2007

so, here is Aubrynne! My sweet niece who is the MOST precious girl. I promise Eric is not drunk.... just a little tired!
Here we are at our yard sale!

This is the first 5 bucks we made!

Let me tell yall about our week. A situation with a brand new baby girl was brought to our attention by some sweet friends at work that had been brought to the ER and would be needing a home. Without going into all the details of how and why this situation occured, I will just say that a need for a family came up, and Eric and I had the opportunity to make ourselves available to take her. When I recieved the call from the ER, it did not feel real...until I talked to Eric about it. When I told him what I knew of the situation, his response was, "What are you waiting for??? CALL THEM!" We hung up the phone, and with my mom as a witness, I began having chest pain, feeling short of breath and feeling like I was gonna vomit!! Some of you may be thinking 'wow, you really aren't ready to get a baby if you are gonna freak out!' You can rest assured, I was not freaking because we might be parents, but just at the thought of my baby being without me...alone...without a name! I have wondered if I will naturally feel that 'motherly instinct' or 'instant bond' with my adopted child. I know, after this week, that I will. I was overwhelmed with worry and an extreme amount of love for this little girl I have never met, seen, held, and quite frankly that was going to be a stretch to actually come into my home. After all, all we were doing was making ourselves available to the people in charge of this baby. It's not like this was actually something we were doing through our agency that actually had potential to be in our home. But it did not matter. If she was to be ours, I wanted her, and loved her, and immediately began praying for her and for her birthmom who is quite obviously in a really bad situation. Realistically though, I tried to keep myself grounded and remind myself that this was a long shot. But it did not matter. I still loved her, and wanted her, and prayed for her. At one point shortly after getting this phone call, I looked at my mom and asked her what on earth will I do with a baby? I don't have any stuff, like diapers and uh, a crib, or clothes! It's really cold outside! My mom calmly responded, "We'll go to target!" I said, "oh, okay...we'll...go to Target." So, we made the appropriate phone calls, to the appropriate people and then just have waited to hear something. I talked with a social worker this morning and it looks like that little baby girl will have a family soon, through the state's custody and provision. I am glad that there are other families waiting to take home little girls who don't have a home. I am glad that I was able to love her so much, so instantly, so unconditionally. I am glad that we got to experience the real possibility of becoming parents. I am happy with our response. I know that God is sovereign and in control, and that He is still preparing us for parenthood. I am really, seriously okay and actually great with that baby girl finding a home through the state program. I rest in knowing that our child will come to us soon enough. And it will be the child for only us. I am not having anymore chest pain or shortness of breath or nausea now that I know I am not separated from my little girl, cause she's not mine! I am also excited that i felt what a lot of my "anxious" patients feel and they never can quite explain it or why they have these symptoms, but the are real. And now I can stop thinking they are making it all up! (just kidding...I am not that harsh, but I am sometimes a little skeptical)

So, it's back to waiting some more, to finish our homestudy. We have sent letters now to our employers for their references and hopefully they will be prompt. Someone asked me today if this event makes me feel more anxious about the wait, or more ready for it to hurry up and be here. I think a little, but not too much. I am still not in 'wait' mode, because we aren't expecting to get a child yet. I still really see good in both sides of it coming fast and then we are parents! But here are the reasons that it is soooo okay that we aren't there yet:

  1. we need to save some major money so we don't have to borrow it!

  2. we get to spend more time together, alone!

  3. we need to be training our dog to be outside

  4. we need to be reading our required books about being adoptive parents

  5. we get to continue preparing our hearts

  6. me and mom have time to find some good material to decorate the nursery

  7. we have time to soak up Aubrynne (our new niece)

  8. we get to enjoy dreaming about what our child will look likel (it's kinda fun)

  9. we get to continue to trust God and experience Him in this time of waiting, in ways we wouldn't if we could just always have our way, when we chose and how we chose. I am convinced and expect that our child will prove to us and hopefully to any of you who are in this journey with us, that God's timing is perfect, His ways are better than ours, and we can learn to be thankful, hopeful people as a result of this truth and how it plays out in our lives.


Karen said...

oh Mandy...I just love hearing your heart poured out. I am so blessed to know you and Eric! We love you guys!

Yoka said...

Good luck with the adoption. We also just started the adoption process, but have to take a break because we are doing some more infertility treatment.

"He upholds the cause of the oppressed...He sustains the fatherless and the widow" -psalm 146:7&9