Post placement visit #2

We had our second post placement visit this week with Bethany. The first one was when Cohen was only a few days old. Basically, Carolyn comes out and checks in with us. We talk about what Cohen is doing, how he sleeps and eats, what his disposition and personality is like and how he is changing. I am not sure what Carolyn's part of it is, but it always seems to go smoothly and feels easy, and we get no negative feedback, so I guess no news is good news! Cohen and I stopped by the Bethany office in Nashville last week to take our monthly pictures and letter/update for "E", should she decide to see them. I wonder how she is doing. I hear from the birthparent counselor who has a relationship with her that she is okay. We have requested a picture of her and of Cohen's half brother and sister so that he can have that as he gets older. Hopefully she will be okay with that. I think that would be special for him. I must confess something...I am really not that great about remembering to pray for E as far as her relationship with our family goes, and I really don't know why I forget. I really hope that she decides one day to know him. I know that the day will come when Cohen is so aware and will want to know her and about his situation. I would want to know. Eric and I were talking just last night about how much we hurt already for him and want to stop any pain that may come his way. It is an indescribable feeling. However, we know that we can't. It is a real situation, with real circumstances that just are painful and no doubt, will be difficult for Cohen to understand. He may not ever understand and that fact, again, is just reality in this world and a reality that I need to be praying for now. If any of yall pray for Cohen and Eric and I, please remember this important aspect of our lives. I am thankful though, that we can rest in knowing that God is in control. He has orchestrated this all from the beginning. He knows what is best for Cohen. I believe in the same way that He has cared for Cohen so far, he will in this situation, too. I don't know what is best, only God does and I choose His plans over mine!!! All this rambling on and I really just wanted to say that my heart for "E" continues to grow, my heart for Cohen is overwhelmingly huge and this whole chapter of my life is just truly been made amazing by the work and hand of God in my life. Praise God for Cohen!!!!

We are leaving for vacation in the morning and we are so pumped, its not even funny! We'll have great pics, no doubt, for the blog with the new camera when we return and I'm sure i'll be anxious to share them!!! I am hoping to get some good reading time in and just some quality time and relaxation before we get ready to start back up with Eric back to work pretty shortly after we get back.

Some important court dates coming up:

• Tuesday, July 8th will be the "appearance hearing" for the legal father. We don't expect to hear anything from anyone on that as far as the actual legal father goes, but still.... pray for that day that there will be no legal activity going on!
• Tuesday, July 15th will be the termination of the legal father's rights day. Please pray that we will have peace through this. Pray for peace for E especially.

Father's day pics

My Dad

My Dad is a man of great character. He is strong in faith. He has a huge heart. Those who are close to him see his tender heart despite his efforts to hold back his tears during a touching moment. He has a great sense of humor, although sometimes a little corny. He tends to keep a great perspective on life and on his place in this life, not taking himself too seriously at any particular time. He gives great advice, although reluctant to do so now that I am married. He says Eric is the number one man in my life now and his opinion is insignificant. Little does he know that his opinion not only still matters to me but his son-in-law has come to appreciate it, too. We know he of all people will have our best interest in mind. And still, the respect shown for Eric by not always giving his opinion speaks volumes. He loves my mother and is not afraid to let it be known. He is a fisherman. To so thoroughly enjoy a hobby, to be able to lay down life and it's problems to take time for himself, I believe, is a luxury. A luxury that many people do not allow themselves even for only a short time. What a blessing to be able to relax and thoroughly enjoy fishing it must be for him. He speaks truth always and stands up for what he believes, no matter what the cost...a quality our Lord will commend him for as he enters the pearly gates someday. He was the leader in our home, providing stability for me that could not have been forced or faked. His unconditional love and support through all things is priceless to me and has been crucial to who I am today. I can't even imagine the sacrifices that were made on my behalf and so as a close to this very special day I must say, Dad, I owe you one. Thanks.

Best Dad Ever!!!

We got a new camera!!!! This might just be the best purchase we have made in a while. As I contemplated having Cohen's picture made professionally for his 3 month birthday, I realized that professional photos don't come cheap....at least not good ones! So, we decided to purchase a really nice camera instead of having professional pics made for now, while he is so little and not mobile or anything. I was a little nervous I'd regret it, but I have now had my camera for 1 day and I LOVE it! I figured who better to take his picture than the woman who loves him most and gets to capture all the sweet moments every day! No promises, but I think this is the beginning of a new relationship between me, a camera, and hopefully our blog! So here he is today at Sis and Gramps' house for Father's day. He'll be 3 months old on the 20th.

Despite major effort for this not to happen, Cohen has discovered his thumb as you can see in this precious pic. I dislike thumb-sucking for mostly one huge reason and that is how hard it will be on him to give up. Pacifiers seem to go easier, so I've been told, but this child loves his thumb and even as we have taken his thumb out of his mouth and given the pacifier, he pushes it back out and finds that thumb again. On a positive note, just as he finds it during the day....he finds it at night and puts himself to sleep and then back to sleep if he awakens during the night. Who knew that such a seemingly insignificant little appendage that I most of the time take for granted, could be so crucial to my sweet little boy, Cohen!

I also want to say that my husband is the BEST DAD EVER!!! I know he has been waiting on this first father's day for many years now. He deserves the biggest HAPPY FATHERS DAY of all. We have a great setup with our jobs... Eric teaches in a traditional school system that takes a 10 week summer break. My nursing job allows me to schedule myself and work as little as once a week. So while he was in school those first 6-8 weeks I was home and barely working. Now Eric gets to keep Cohen while I pick up some extra shifts each week to save a little money for the fall when I go back to barely working so he can work. Another beautiful blessing in our lives. Eric and Cohen have really bonded...really really bonded. I am reminded often of the life Cohen could've had and while he would've had an amazing woman as a mother in 'E', he wouldn't have had a father. E's noble choice not only gave Cohen life, but it gave him a dad named Eric and in my opinion, he couldn't be more blessed. Cohen smiles the brightest for Eric, sleeps best for Eric, coos and talks loudest for Eric and I am so thankful for the relationship that is forming between them. I am working no more than 3 days a week, so I am still home a lot, but miss him so much while I am gone. Needless to say we are really enjoying life and the blessings we are experiencing.

8 weeks

Our last dr appointment Cohen weighed in at 11 lb 14.2 oz....that was a about 10 days ago! We go for his shots and 2 month check up on tuesday. He is talking/cooing like crazy and loves to lay on his back and kick his legs and just talk and sing. He is still just really alert and looks at bright colors. He loves his mobile on the swing and on his crib. Eric is such a great dad! He is so good with him and has had several times where he has been the primary person caring for him. Once for almost 2 days when I had a really busy weekend with work and with mother's day and stuff. He is a natural, but I never doubted that! My first mother's day was great! I remember this time last year how sad I was on mother's day, having a pity party for myself because I had not yet gotten what I thought I wanted. I am so thankful for Cohen! He is such a wonderful addition to our family.

5 weeks, 5 days old!

just a random night of random pics i thought i'd share. also, I tried to video him with my camera, so there is no sound, but he's moving around and stuff, and sorta smiling! Eric took this last one....his two fav. people with bed head!!!

loving life

Well, I must say, mommyhood is way, way better than I expected. Way more fun, way easier (so far) and yet more intense at the same time. I love being a mother to this little baby boy. Cohen and I thank God a lot, especially while he is eating, for his mommy, his daddy, his first mom who chose life for him, for his son who saves our wretched souls, for his beautiful nose, eyes, ears, mouth, sweet cheeks, hands and feet! I was thinking tonight as Cohen was staring up at me while taking his bottle about all the people who comment on how alert he has been and is for his age. Now, they might just be saying that, but he really does seem to not be missing much that goes on! It's almost as if he knows he has been given life, that although abortion was not necessarily even a thought for E, she still chose life over the alternative. So, for example, when planned pregnancies or pregnancies within marriage or within relationships occur, people are generally excited and have high hopes and dreams of the little being growing inside them. But for E, as much as I can imagine, this was obviously not planned and came as quite a surprise, causing fear in her of what was to come, I am sure. I know she had to be thinking of every possible way to make this situation better, easier, smaller than it was in reality. I am kinda rambling, but my point is that as I sit holding him I just can't help but pretty frequently think of how he came to us...about how he could've been aborted, his life taken from him before it even started. It sends chills through my body and makes me so thankful to God and so sure of His love for each soul at conception. He has plans for Cohen and Cohen is a gift to us, a blessing, one that we don't deserve but by His grace and mercy will enjoy for as long as He allows. I really really love adoption. I will say again how perfectly it mirrors what Christ did for us, giving us a new life with a purpose!!! God will do great things in and through Cohen, I just know it. It is my priviledge to pray for him and guide him into adulthood. Do biological parents feel this way too?

Yesterday was my first day back to work...longest 12 hours of my life! It wasn't so bad though since I knew he was in awesome hands! Eric had him all day long and they had such a good time together. I am only working one day per week, so I can't really complain, but it was hard to leave his sweet little self that morning!!! They came to eat lunch with me, so that was fun, but harder to go back after lunch! We had a great, really full weekend of family birthday parties and family dinner. Cohen is so blessed by God to have SO many family members who are almost as in love as we are with him! Tonight, I fed him 5 ounces for the first time! He has been pretty consistently sleeping 6-7 hrs at night which from what I hear is pretty awesome for an infant and so I am really thankful for that! We had another couple of showers last weekend and got some really great and much needed things. People continue in their generosity! He seems to be a lot bigger, growing like crazy. I need to get some good pics of him on here so you can all see how different he looks from the first week! I'll get right on that!